theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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