Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
