My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have post one night stand depression
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