I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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