Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
