And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
