It was confusing and full of hummus
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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