You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
