Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
