and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
