Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
