erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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