haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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