Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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