he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
