how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
