that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
