I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
