I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
