that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
