Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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