it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
