Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
