Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
