I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
