Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
