HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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