i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
