wakey wakey hands off snakey
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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