That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
