pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
