taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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