I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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