I hate your face
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
