We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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