I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
