First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
