Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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