He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
