If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
