The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
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I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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