And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
