you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
