brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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