I puked a lego.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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