My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
