so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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