im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
