why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize