yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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