This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
