i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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