She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
