I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
