Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
