the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
