i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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