so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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