When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
