you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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