My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
