lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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