Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
