lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
