The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
