He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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