it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
