the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
