I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
